I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
