My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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