Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
