we made out on top of his cat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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