Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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