I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
