I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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