perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
