What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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