she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
