I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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