I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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