I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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