so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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