a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
