Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
