after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
