I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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