great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
