i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
