I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
