i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
