I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
