Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
