so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
