I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
