I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
