smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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