pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
