I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love you.
Bad choice
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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