Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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