All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
