I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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