that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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