Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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