i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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