I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
