She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
