dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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