I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
