i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
