I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
