Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
