party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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