Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
