I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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