I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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