Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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