i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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