Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
