all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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