I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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