i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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