No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i dont even know how to be here
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
