he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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