I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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