guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize