drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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