p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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