The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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