thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
pop tarts are not kleenex
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
