omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
