nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize