i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
