it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
