I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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