there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
be right there i have to get my cape
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
