Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
