fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
