I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
